Anticipation of the View

it's been 18 months baby.

and while they don't come like they used to... hell, they hardly come at all... i wonder if you ever think that i still anticipate every text, every call that comes from you? do you realize that there's nothing more that i would like to see than my reflection in your eyes?

i laugh because there are those who think that i'm afraid of love... they think that i'm unwilling to compromise, scared of sacrifice... and what they don't realize is that i'm a walking crucifixion for your love.

see, i've witnessed manhood at it's best. and while not perfect, it was honest in its attempt and having beheld such rarity, a thing of real beauty, there's no other truth that I want to participate in or join myself to. and yes, i understand the challenge. i know what stands between us and i'm okay with it. what i'm going to do is "enjoy this view" and make the most of it. whatever little there is... i'm going to inhale and breathe it in and just be grateful that mercy and grace chose to let me experience it again..

someone said that i fill my time with men that don't measure up because i'm scared of love, but i would simply say that i don't bother with that which i know can never fill my cup because my soul still drinks your memory and those times still fulfill me... and i'm not wanting.. of anything but you. so, i choose to stand alone in this world with substitutes to pass my time away from you knowing that there's no way they could ever replace my Beauty & Truth. the very thing that keeps you from me is what makes me love you. so, i can't be angry, but rather admiring of your virtue.

and soon, i'll get the chance to show you that these words are living intentions in my soul. that our time together, while it may be short, will suffice even though it won't leave me whole. i'll enjoy it. like savoring the morsel of a man's last meal... i'll take my time with you. pause the passing of the sun and moon if possible. and i'll take a step closer to the edge... hold your hand.. and just enjoy the view.