Obligation?... I'd Rather You Not.

Obligation

Did I hear that word correctly? Did you just say that the reason you spend time with me, go places with me, make time for me, is because you are obligated to? Did you really just classify me in the same category as paying your taxes, taking out the trash, and spending time with your in-laws?

How many of us have ever been made to feel or told that someone feels obligated to do what we oh so desire they would just want to? We wish with every fiber of our being that they would feel compelled, driven, urged from some force within them to simply do right by us. But the reality is that sometimes, and I hate to say it, most times, the very people that we are longing to receive this from simply just aren't capable of giving it to us. They are just not equipped. Now, you may be thinking that I'm wrong and that everyone can CHOOSE to do whatever they want. And I would argue differently. If you ask the addict, the hoarder, the person who has to turn the door knob 10 times in one different directions before entering or leaving every room of their house, and I promise you, they will not say those are things they would choose for themselves.

I wise man once told me, "you can't put into people what the good Lord left out", and I concur. When people don't have the desire to do right by you, love you the way you'd like, don't let that throw you. Don't feel yourself being put into the "obligation" category and lessen the measure of your worth. Recognize that it's a deficiency within them that is keeping them from realizing the fullness of what you have to offer and nothing lacking within you. Take a vacation from the obligation mindset, and walk in a freedom that says no matter what your motivation, I'm content with what you give me. Notice I didn't say grateful, because certain actions just don't qualify for gratitude.

It's like your children expecting to be rewarded for chores, making good grades, or simply obeying the rules. You're the children, dammit, that's what you're supposed to do! lol. Regard the adults in your life the same way. If you're the spouse, don't expect your significant other to oozing with thanks because you remembered your anniversary or her birthday. Hell, it's what you're supposed to do. lol. Step outside the box. Rise above the mediocre existence of the world of obligation if you can. And if you're the receiver in this situation or any other like it, and you see that no matter how many chances you give them, despite any amount of effort you put into them, if they are still unable to move past being "obligated" to you, determine if you're content with that. If you can be okay with living like the electric bill in someone's life, something they feel like they have to take care of or it will effect them negatively, and if so, stay. But if not, and you are ready for the wonderful world of voluntary association, a world where people choose to do things they aren't required to, a place that feels amazing, it may be time to reevaluate. Step into something new.

I strongly recommend it. But remember, you're not obligated to.

To the mothers... ALL the REAL mothers.

So, today's "Mother's Day".. the day when "lost" children go to church with their mommas, the women of the world who have brought life are taken to dinner, made breakfast in bed, and given presents to say "thank you" for their efforts. And while I myself called my own mother this morning, I wonder about the wanna-be mothers, the women who desire nothing more in their lives than the tug of a newborn nursing on their breast, the thump of a kick in their belly, and the unconditional love that fills the heart of a mother with the birth of their child. I find myself reflecting on the women who found themselves in circumstances that made the joy of childbirth impossible and they had to terminate the life within them. The ones whose bodies said, I can't do it, now is not the time. What about those women?

I know that many of you are thinking that this is an inappropriate post for Mother's Day, but I'm a mother and a woman, so I think I'll post whatever I want. Because maybe somewhere out there, some one esle is thinking this same thing. I find myself wishing we were a species that didn't require holidays to remind us to love and express that love to those around us. I'm thinking that we would enjoy life so much more.. now, the economists might not like this. After all, we wouldn't feel obligated between November and December 25th to go into debt and spend money we should be saving just to express the affection that we should be giving all year long. We wouldn't need roses at Valentine's Day to say "I love you", or golf clubs in June to say "thank you" to the men in our lives who accept and exceed in their roles as fathers.

And I'm not saying that I'm not grateful for Mother's Day and all the well wishes that I'm receiving today. What I am saying is that I know women who want nothing more than the joy, pain, and frustration I experience every day as a mother and it is a station in life they will never achieve. And to me, the birthing of a child is not what makes you worthy of praise on this day. It is the heart that matters. How many of us were raised by someone physical body had nothing to do with our birth? Aunties, neighbors, "mothers" of our churches.. they were there too. And their sacrifice is sometimes even more praiseworthy because they weren't obligated to you. There was something inside them that made them give when they didn't have to, be there when they could've been somewhere else, sacrifice themselves for us. Those are mothers.

The teacher whose classroom is filled with her "babies" - she's a mother. The woman whose womb is barren but her heart is filled with love for every child she lays her eyes on... she's a mother. Maybe not by definition, but by exception - by default - by what really counts. She is. I know this seems idealistic. The stuff that just isn't reality because we live in a world where people are defined by their titles and achievements, but I would like to believe that most of us LIVE differently. We regard those who have been there for us, touched us, and loved us no matter what as what they truly are - Family. We all have Aunt Ps, who are no blood relation, Ms. Shirleys, who had to be given the title as Godmother just so something worthy would apply, and Nannys, who live across the street and are always willing to give you their ear as well as a cup of sugar when needed. Those are the mothers. Along with the ones who birthed you, raised you, prayed over you as you slept, worried themselves sick that they weren't doing it right. They are all mothers. So, to you mothers... Happy Mother's Day!