To all you men complaining about child support and women deciding to have your babies and not giving you a choice in the matter.. I need to say one thing: You Made Your Choice... Now, She Gets to Make Hers.
Now, before you get your feathers all ruffled and upset, let me preface this discussion with a few points. First and foremost, I DO NOT support women who use their children as pawns/weapons in relationships and do things like withhold visitation because the men may be behind on child support or is just plain pissing them off. Visitation with the child is essential and not contigent upon money. There's no price tag for the value of a parent/child relationship and both parties have a responsibility to keep that in mind.
Having said that, men... you chose her. That's the only part of this entire situation that you can control - who you pick - who you allow to become your "baby's mama". So, in reality, you're kinda to blame if you end up with drama.
Recently, I've witnessed a couple of situations where the female has either come up pregnant or filed for child support and the men have complained saying that it should be a "joint decision" as to whether or not to have the child or that he and the mother should work out child support on their own instead of going through the courts. I have one thing to say regarding whether or not it's your right to participate in the decision on whether or not to keep the baby once the woman comes up pregnant: It's her body, therefore; her choice. And the moment you CHOSE to enter her unprotected, you were making the statement that you TRUST her judgment in that decision and are willing to accept her choice and all of it's ramifications. Now, think about that. If this is a one night stand, or the third time you've slept with her, and you make the choice to not strap up... you are saying to her, "I'm okay with you becoming my baby's mama" or "I'm okay being connected to you for the rest of our lives".. and are you really qualified to be making those types of statements about someone you've only known for a minute or are too drunk to remember her name tomorrow?
And ladies, lest you think that the men are the only ones that need to be addressed her, think again. You have the right to question him... ask for the condom. Don't consider it a compliment that he wants to "feel" your vagina. That doesn't make you special. It makes you vulnerable and open to not just pregnancy, but everything else out there. Most of us are guilty of getting caught up on the moment or "loving him so much" that we allow him to have unprotected sex and that's something that we need to reconsider and put a halt to immediately. We're worth more than that...and hopefully, so is he.
Having said all of that if you find yourself in a position where the deed has been done and there's even the remote possibility that you could be pregnant as a result. Be proactive. Don't put yourself in a position where two months from now, you're trying to decide whether to have an abortion or have a child with someone you might not otherwise want to be in a relationship with. Get the morning after pill IMMEDIATELY. It's effective up to 72 hrs later, but most effective within 24 hrs. And I mean 97% effective and it prevents conception. It's not a means of birth control, but it does eliminate the need for much tougher choices that effect way more lives down the road. It's only $50 or so.... work together people, $25 each if needed. You spend more than that on cigarettes, alcohol, starbucks, or the new outfit you bought when you met each other.
Your lives are worth more than that.
u speakin from recent experience yourself Dani? please shed a little light on this topic & how it came about.
ReplyDeleteno the topic is not based on me... the topic came about because i've seen several posts as well as poems lately from men about their baby's mamas and the choices those women are making concerning child support and i've witnessed two situations recently where women ended up pregnant by someone that they hadn't intended and the men were complaining about not being able to help decide whether to keep the child or not. all of these situations together made me think..
ReplyDeletemy first daughter wasn't planned and her dad probably wasn't the best choice, but i chose to have her. options are different now, and although i would never undo having HER.. in the same situation now, my choice might have been different. it's just something that we all need to think about because the situations can be avoided.. first by having protected sex, and second, by acting responsibly and quickly if you don't. that's all. it's not men against women or vice versa.. it's keeping the child in mind and our responsibilities to act accordingly. why? have you been in this situation yourself? if so, care to shed some light?
I too was in a similiar situation. First child was not planned, but she is here & i Would NOT change that for ANYTHING/ONE. Once u are a little older & wiser & at a great place in your life & are quite content with how life is going (don't mistake me for not having any struggles in this f$%#ed up economy/world that we live in today), but yeah I see your point & I can relate & would probably run right out & get the Morning After pill myself. It prevents conception before it can occur & is NOT an abortion pill, so all the pro-lifers just chill! But yeah, just take a glimpse fast forward fellas/ladies. There is alot of baby mama drama but it's exactly what you get when u don't protect yourselves. Please parents, don't be vengeful & not let the kids see the other parent just because of child support or even just out of spite because you feel a certain kind of way about the other parent. It is the child that suffers & by doing this u are being childish yourselves. GROW UP!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous... I feel the same way about not changing the fact that I have my child. However, with age does come wisdom as you mentioned and i think the point that i was trying to make is that we all have a choice in this process. for the men, it's the first choice and maybe the most important, but after that, it's up to the ladies and being able to separate emotionals and dreams of what we hope for and want the man to be is the best way to go about deciding what's best. i know that as a woman, i would hope that the man would be there and be supportive of the baby if not me, but that's not always the case. knowing that... it's best to act responsibily. i'm just saying that abortion wasn't an option for me.. (i have a moral conflict) so.. if that's the case, the morning after pill is the BEST solution after the fact. to each his own, but the babies shouldn't be suffering for our grownup mistakes... see what i'm sayin'?
ReplyDeleteMY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. i am pro life as well, but thru our actions, our choices that get us to that point, there shouldn't have 2 be a choice to be made if only we had thought about that before that fateful night. live & learn honey..live & learn. to each his own, indeed. just be able to live up to the demanding responsibilities. if you are strong enough woman to deal with the repercussions of denying a man that throws u the money for an abortion, then I salute u, just don't later try to use the child as a weapon if one day he wakes up and sees what an as$ he was & would like to have a relationship with the child. dani, i am anonymous because i don't have any of the accounts listed to pick from to post a comment.
ReplyDeleteall you need is a google email or yahoo email and you can use that. takes a min to setup if you want. also, don't forget to click "follow" to be able to follow the blog if you're interested. thanks for the comments. i think this is something everyone should be talking about.
ReplyDeleteThe difference between a boy and a man is the recognition that the financial aspect of child support is the 1st step. The mentoring and education of that child into a successful adult is also child support, but only an adult can execute such support successfully. If one can't handle that responsibility, then they should be responsible enough to keep it in their pants, wear protectection, or get a vasectomy. Another enjoyable rant Dani
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