When What You Love Becomes Work...

We all spend time wishing that we could do what we love for a living, and I've often wondered if we should be careful what we wish for. I mean, think about it. When what you love because your work, doesn't that change it for you? Don't you sometimes, not always, but sometimes get bogged down by the normalcy of it? the expectancy of it? the responsibility of it?

It doesn't mean that we don't still love it, but I wonder if it manages to take some of the joy out of it? Just a thought.

I know that for me, I love writing. I love picking up the pen, or putting my fingers on the keys, and just letting my thoughts out onto the page. The only problem with that is now that so many people are reading those thoughts, it leaves me open for judgment, criticism, and what others think should be appropriate censorship. And that's not what I want. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind if you judge or criticize even, but don't think that just because you are doing that, that I'm all of the sudden going to censor my thoughts or not put them into writing.

See, I have this crazy mindset that says, if I'm already thinking it, God already knows it, and since He determines my destiny, why should I care what you think? Now, someone recently pointed out to me that just because I think it, doesn't mean I should say it. And my response to that is: believe it or not, I don't. The stuff that you hear me say or read from my page, is actually the watered down version much of the time. And that should probably scare you...lol.

But the reason I say the things I do, is because I honestly believe that if people were more honest about their thoughts, their past, and their failings, we would be people less judgmental and more accepting of each others faults. There wouldn't be the need to pretend so much. We wouldn't carry around this fear of what others will think about us, because we would understand that everyone has those thoughts even if they aren't brave enough to speak them. But that's just me. You might not agree. And while we may differ, I can respect that opinion.

Now, 2 years ago, when I first began to write, none of this would have ever crossed my mind. But now, that what I love has become work for me... I have to. People give thought to what they read and now I'm put in the precarious position of deciding how I choose to handle that. Do I do what others have suggested and conform? Do I start to "be careful" because I now have "an image" and worry about what people will say or think about me?

For those of you who know me, you know that this is likely NOT going to happen. I've spent too many years worrying about what people think and trying to be what other people thought I should. And I've determined to not do it anymore. So, what I have to count on is people being honest and real with themselves, if with nobody else. Because then, they will appreciate me. Support me. And understand my position and where I'm coming from. At least that's my hope. That whether people or agree or not, they can respect and appreciate realness when they hear it. And if they do that, I won't have to worry about image or being "politically or socially correct" because I'll be being honest - and that's what they will love.

Whatever it is that you love, if you are now blessed enough to do it for work, the only thing that I can say to you is stay true to the purpose and feeling that caused you to begin that work. Don't let the expectations of others or the success of your endeavors change you or what you do. Stay true to what has made you successful and people will continue to love and support you. And then, you can still find pleasure in the details, pride in the outcome, and joy in the process of getting it done... even when what you love becomes work.

Baby Mama Drama... Really?

I hear soooo many men these days complaining about women who are putting them on child support and how we women should just sit back and let you all take care of your children the best way you can...

I hear you all talk about the women who withhold visitation because they're angry with you, trying to manipulate you, and all you can say is "if these women would just let us, we would do what we're supposed to as men." In other words, we women just won't "let" you be men, and frankly, I'm sick of that bullshit. How can men, real men, blame a woman for their failings... for not doing what they know is their responsibility or position to play? Really? How weak is that? You're not leading because we're not following? You're not providing because we're pursuing our own opportunities? You're not spending time with your children because you don't want to see us? Get the fuck outta here... It's excuses and I'm sure I speak for many women who are just tired of hearing them.

Because truth be told, when you get a woman who doesn't call you, ,nag you, "hound" you for the monetary support you should be seeking to provide for your children, we don't hear from you. Hell, you might as well be living in some other country for the amount of communication we get from you. But let us pick up the phone... let us ask one time when and how much you plan on sending for your children, and you have the nerve to get belligerent... seriously? As if we don't have a right to question you about providing for our children... it sickens me... how just because we aren't together means that this shit has to be trifling.. .when really, the babies should come first. It should have nothing to do with you or me. Why can't it be that easy?

And before those "good dads" out there get all riled up and pissed behind what I'm saying... let me just say that if this shit does not apply to you... don't take it personally. Because I'm on the other end of the stick.. never calling or asking for shit. Bringing the children more than halfway to ensure that you give them some type of visitation, but getting very little in return. And if men are honest, I would say that my situation is more the majority than not. It's this mindset that is effecting the core of our families...

How does my independence have anything to do with your ability to be a man? Why does my success mean that you should provide less than the minimum the government requires? If you were thinking about the children instead of your animosity towards me, you would realize it's them your hurting... not me. And they won't forget. It will mold them into the women they are to be and that's what I fear most. That somehow, you're lack of fathering will negatively impact their ability to trust and believe in men... because we as women were made to compliment you. And if we continue down the path we're on now, the family structure will continue to lessen with each and every generation... and that's sad.

So, before we keep talking about "baby mama drama", consider how we women feel about "sorry ass baby daddies", and let's make an effort to get this shit right. Why should our parental relationships be defined by such titles? This could not have been our plan, our agenda, when their arrival took place on this earth... so, why not give them the consideration that they deserve? I will tell women to not use their children as pawns... give that man a chance to play the role he has earned... and in the meantime, you men, step up to the plate. Show up for visitation and don't be late. Be fathers and daddies so there's no distinction in the terminology and all your children will know is "mine was there for me"... that should be our aim.

This is the lives of our children... not a game.